Jamie Schofield Riva

 Perimenopause: Perils To Pearls

Did you know that in the past women were sent to asylums, given ovariotomies, lead acetate injections in their vaginas, and had their clitoris non-consensually removed to treat the so-called “disease” of menopause? (Heather Corinna, 2021) Even now, silence, shame, and lack of education, funding, and research around women’s health care still exists, and can lead to vicious cycles of anxiety, depression, and physical and emotional suffering of all kinds. I recently attended a menopause summit where I had the chance to listen to some of the top doctors revolutionizing women’s health care share an urgent message: You may know more than your doctor. It’s not their fault, they were not properly educated on peri/menopause in medical school (they share this was their own experience!), and also, so much has changed. YOU HAVE TO ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF. Bring your knowledge to your doctor if they are not bringing it to you. And if they are not open to working with you, FIND SOMEONE WHO IS. They encouraged attendees to share this with as many women as possible, because information is power. “Look at your friends, and don’t let your friends suffer either.” -Dr. Mary Claire Haver, MD, author The New Menopause

All I could think as I listened to these heavy hitters bring forth disturbing statics and new solutions, was that I wish my mother and her generation could’ve had this knowledge during their transitions. The suffering that could have been prevented haunts me. I will be sure things are different for myself and my daughter.

The most common thing these doctors said they hear from women when hormones start going haywire as perimenopause begins to unknowingly take over is: “I don’t feel like myself.” This transition can make us feel like our bodies are betraying us, or we don’t recognize ourselves anymore. Or that we have been tossed aside by society because our value has been lost along with our fertility- or god-forbid, our sex appeal. As I continue on this ride towards actual menopause feeling stronger and more balanced now armed with knowledge and options for support, I’m determined to do what I can so that it won’t always have to be that way. Doctors will try to throw women an antidepressant and send them on their way, but there is so much more we can do-for our current symptoms AND future brain and bone health.

I’ve gleaned many pearls of wisdom from my perilous perimenopusal pitfalls. I have learned so much about how to take care of my body, mind, and spirit thanks to this transition-from holistic care to hormone replacement therapy-all of which have fostered deeper self-love and compassion. But what I find helps the most is knowing you’re not alone. Sharing our experiences is the ultimate form of healing and support. So I am called to share my own for whoever else may be going through (or supporting a loved one who is going through) similar issues. You are not crazy, this is real, you most certainly are not alone, and things can get better. 

I began experiencing symptoms of perimenopuase years before I understood what was happening to me. It took things getting really bad to open my eyes to the reality that-without realizing it due to lack of knowledge-perimenopause had begun a body/mind takeover, often leaving a trail of upset in its wake, while causing me to feel scared of or disappointed in myself. Without understanding there was a legitimate cause behind these extreme moments made me feel out of control.

There are so many symptoms women experience, but personally I have struggled with bone and joint pain due to loss of estrogen, insane night sweats, brain fog, and INTENSE mood swings.

But the worst of it has come in the form of some uninvited and very unwelcome visitors: panic attacks. Especially while trying to sleep. I am not someone to shy away from self-investigation, so I chose to look them dead in the eye and confront these episodes from all angles to eliminate other possible causes through talk therapy, energy work, spiritual guidance, and various medical check ups. Because we have to advocate for ourselves, our health, and our happiness. And I was, and still am, determined to keep my midlife experience an AWAKENING and not a CRISIS.

So I learned to fall in love with my fear, and dance with my rage. And while I absolutely acknowledge some real life issues were causing heightened stress, I did in fact begin to notice there was a definite pattern based on my monthly cycle and ovulation. And while I am thankful for the deeper evolution of self that these heightened hormonal states incited, at the end of the day, knowing it was bigger than me was a relief. I was not in fact losing my mind.

While I’m still struggling with it at times, and will continue trying new options for care as my body keeps changing, I can say with certainty that with awareness comes less confusion, and therefore less fear. I am currently viewing it as an opportunity to connect intimately with myself instead. When I birthed my babies with no pain meds, I knew my body and I had to be in close communication and work together as a team to get through it. Instead of feeling betrayed by what I cannot control, I intend to conquer this right of passage with the same self-supportive mindset. By tuning in to and taking care of my body as best I can, while giving myself grace on the bad days.

For a good year and a half after the panic attacks came on, I tried every natural option you can imagine: diet, exercise, supplements, therapy, meditation, energy work, you name it. I am very mindful about what I put in my body, and care a lot about being in tune with my natural cycle.

But while those holistic options have been beneficial to my life and are important to continue with, I came to the realization that I needed to do something more for my hormones. My doctor’s suggestion before starting HRT since I am not in actual menopause yet, was to go on low dose birth control to give my over-worked ovaries a rest, and receive a regulated amount of hormones daily. While it hasn’t been perfect finding the right pill that would agree with my uterus (continued breakthrough bleeding), the difference I have felt is undeniable and absolutely proved that the lack (and then sudden overflow) of steady doses of hormones that happens during the years leading up to menopause was absolutely the culprit for the emotional upheaval I had been feeling. 

The night waking panic attacks I was having accompanied by insane night sweats have thankfully subsided for now. While I am still having shifting emotions (there is no magic pill!), they are more manageable and not the out of control rollercoaster ride of extremes they once were. I also noticed pain in my back months of physical therapy could not touch, suddenly be alleviated. This may not be the right path for every woman of course as all of our bodies and minds are different, but I believe it is helpful to know there are lots of options to try, and you do not have to sit back and suffer in silence. I have decided to rename my midlife awakening a midlife experiment for now. I was scared to try the pill to be honest, as I had a very bad reaction to it when I was younger, and didn’t like the idea of something controlling my body’s natural process. But I’m glad I found the courage to try it. It has empowered me in a a way; shown me there is hope, and that I can handle whatever challenges come my way. The plan is to keep taking this steady dose of hormones for the next few years and hopefully coast right through menopause (I have heard many women who use IUD’s say they never even knew when their menopause happened because of this similar line of thinking). I’m not sure if this will be the final solution for me, only time will tell, but like the picture says, it’s a start.